Most of my adulthood, I did not know what I wanted out of life.

I spent my 20s wading through what friends and I called the Sea of Ambiguity. I tried public relations, international aid, and educational nonprofits. I took the foreign service exam, graduate courses in cultural anthropology, and an apprenticeship as an art director for indie films.

And I spent way too many years as a temp secretary while I took night classes, wrote poetry, and did a little too much partying.  (Deep down, I think I was lonely, and confused about my purpose in life.) When I finally met the man of my life at age 30, I was about to go to social work school.

Instead of getting a master’s, I moved to Italy with my new husband and began teaching English to medical students and future teachers. I organized a writing circle for English-speaking expats, translated books and travel brochures, and discovered the joy of having children.

Even though getting married and raising children satisfied me in such a deep way that I didn’t much feel the career angst, I continued to search for more happiness.

I made elaborate recipes until I was all cooked-out, took poetry classes online while my daughters napped until I felt brooding and self-absorbed, volunteered to direct a co-operative preschool (and seriously doubted my management abilities), and inadvertently got involved in activism when I started a group to revitalize our neighborhood school.

On the cusp of turning 40, when I was living among ambitious women in New York and my third child was turning one, I felt again the sting of that question, “What am I going to do with the rest of my life?”

All my searching and dabbling and various projects had not amounted to much of anything.

But I think I was finally mature enough to recognize a few big things had stayed at the top of the sifter: writing and teaching. Combined with my experience with living on a tight budget (silver lining), the idea for Frugal Mama was born.

Statistics show that people who write down their goals are 80% more successful in achieving them.

Writing had always been of a hobby, but I decided I wanted to become a published writer. Being thin-skinned, I had only shown poems to friends, and I’d slunk away after editors rejected my article ideas. I decided that blogging was a safe place to start.

Here is what I wrote in my family blog in October 2009:

I have been working hard on trying to get my new blog together. I want Frugal Mama to be really professional and successful, so I’m trying to do my best in every aspect.

I’d like to use the site to make myself known as a writer. Ideally, the blog would lead to assignments to write for print media or online magazines.

A year later, my blog was attracting thousands of visits per month, I had been chosen as Buttoned Up’s savings expert, and I was being invited to media events.

But still no money.

Here is what I wrote in October 2010, after having Luke and feeling ready to get back to work:

I’m proud of how far I’ve come, and now I’d like to see the site move from a losing enterprise (financially) to one that at least covers its costs.  So my mission is to find the time — and the courage — to work toward making my writing profitable.

Are you ready for the crazy stuff that happened after telling the world what I wanted?

• After pitching some story ideas to Babble, my all-time-favorite parenting magazine, I get an assignment to write I Told My Kindergartner How Babies Are Made.
• I meet with the editor of Family Times, a parenting publication in Central New York, and get two paid assignments: a piece on how to find a babysitter and a personal essay on natural childbirth in a hospital.
• I am asked to speak to the Syracuse chapter of Holistic Moms about 5 Keys to Saving Money and Living Well. After publishing the ideas, traffic to my site soars, doubling in just six months.
• TLC asks me to write for a new mom blog they are launched this spring — and they’ll actually pay me. Amazing!
• The anchorwoman of the NBC station in central New York asks if I’d like to do a money-saving segment for their morning news show.  I interview, get the job, and four days later, a cameraman is at my house to film me at home with my family and at the grocery store.
• The founder of Buttoned Up, where I’ve been guest posting as their savings expert for almost a year, wants to speak with me.  I think she’s going to fire me, but instead she asks me if I’d like to get paid for writing a new series on their site.
• TLC flies me and my family to New York City for a photo and video shoot for their new parenting site, Parentables.

As you can imagine, at this point, I’m thinking, what is going on?  It was like an avalanche of good things piling on.

Let me be clear here: we are not talking about an avalanche of money. But when I think about it: that’s not what I asked for. I wanted to get writing assignments, become known as a writer, and break even. But it makes me wonder, what if I had asked for more?

The reason I’m writing all this is to say that is that whatever has gone on in your life up to now, it’s not too late to bloom. You too can achieve your goals.

Three Steps to Realizing Your Goals

For me, these things were crucial.

1.  Figure out what you want.

This may seem basic, but figuring out big career goals took me 40 years. It might mean finding your element:  that delicious crossroads between something you love to do and something in which you have a natural affinity.

Simple Mom recently talked about how her hobby turned into a career in Want to work from home? Find your element.

2.  Write it down and tell it to people.

I think the reason writing down goals is effective is because it signifies focus and commitment.

Why tell people?  I can think of four reasons:

1. Friends can encourage you if you lose confidence,
2. It’s harder to back out or quit after you have told people what you are planning to do,
3. People might be able to help you out if they know what you want, and finally
4. Telling people means you are excited enough to announce your dreams to the world.

Getting excited is important because happy energy starts a chain reaction. Getting excited about your goal — or feeling joy about what you love — helps you get the courage to clear the obstacles you need to get there.

Or as Rhonda Byrne, author of the The Power, puts it: “When you’re feeling joyful, you are giving joy, and you’ll receive back joyful experiences, joyful situations, and joyful people, wherever you go.”

3.  Don’t give up!

A few months after I had stated my money-making goal, I was talking to my friend BJ and wondering where my blog was going and if I’d ever get a break. I kind-of shrugged and decided I’d just keep plugging away.

A week later I got the call from TLC.

Give your goal some time to take form. Every new endeavor, like a seed in the earth, requires time and energy to make it come to life.

What do you want to get done in your life?

If there’s something big you want to accomplish and asking the universe for it is too daunting, break it down in bite-sized parts.

Meagan Francis has a perfectly timed post up right now called 6 ways busy moms can make (some of) their dreams come true. One of my favorite tips is to make a 10-30-60 list of goal-oriented tasks that only take an hour, a half hour, or even 10 minutes.

What do you love, what do you need, what do you want?  Right now — write it down.  Then place it in a prominent place:  your door, your computer, or inform the world by telling your friends, sending it out by email, Twitter, or Facebook.

But watch out: you might just get what you ask for.

When my daughters were given this unisex, low-tech, all-ages, indoor-outdoor toy, I knew we had found the birthday present panacea. Read more at Parentables about my favorite go-to gift.

Did you resolve to spend less and save more back in January? If so, you are in good company — even if you’ve swerved off the path. Fewer than 2% of people actually follow-through on their New Year’s Resolutions — however, this year can be different.

Resolution Rescue: Listen While You’re Folding Laundry

In this Buttoned Up podcast, Resolution Rescue, I talk with co-hosts, Sarah and Alicia, about:

• how to fix the most common frugality killer
• the biggest mistake people make when trying to get their finances in order
• how people can get motivated who don’t really have to spend less, but feel like they should
• what people can do if they’ve fallen off the wagon to get back on track today

You can hear the podcast on your computer anytime. To skip to my money-saving segment, slide over to 40:28.

However the first part of the show has great strategies for jump starting your diet and keeping up the good work over the long haul with Chris Coash from Jenny Craig, as well as tips on how to overcome the biggest organizational pitfalls with Deb Allison Lee, a certified professional organizer in the Washington, D.C. area.

To listen in, click here.

Finding Happiness in the New Normal

Finally, I thought you also might like this article I recently wrote for Buttoned Up called How to love your new frugal life.

To read more about how we can ditch the “no pain, no gain” mantra and find the joy in frugality, head over to Buttoned Up.

Photo credit

Most parents I know can’t call in sick or take a personal day when things get crazy. Taking care of children, and maintaining a job – whether it’s running the household or going to the office – makes for a full life. When we add something else to the mix, like starting a new school or a dealing with a child who doesn’t sleep, life stretches us to our capacities.

That’s where I am right now. I’m not even sure how I found time to write this post. With a lively baby who enjoys waking up at 5 a.m., a long-distance move in less than three weeks, and writing assignments for as far as I can see, life is starting to brim over.

While I’ve always been a bit of a workaholic – fueled by “getting things done” – this unusually busy time means I have to make every hour work. Here are some of the ways I’ve made time out of nothing:

1.  Transform tasks into rewards

If I need to buy a bathing suit or even something as mundane as diapers, I will save that little shopping trip as a reward for clearing off my To Do list.

2.  Never talk on the phone without doing something else

Of course a friend in need requires your full attention. But most of the time, chatting is a perfect time to empty the dishwasher, fold the laundry, or pull weeds.

3.  Get your kids to help out — they’ll enjoy it more than you think

Don’t worry about making your children into little Cinderellas. I actually heard my daughter, Sofia, saying, “It’s fun cleaning out the fireplace.” Then Virginia started whining that Sofia always gets the “good chores.”

My kids have daily jobs – like setting the table, sweeping up after dinner, playing with the baby, or straightening the living room. But they also do chores for not following rules, such as raking, tidying up, dusting, or organizing.

For more ideas, see The Happiest Mom’s 6 Ways to Get Your Kids to Help Out Around the House.

4.  Do physical work when your kids are around; mental work when they’re sleeping

I don’t know about you, but I find it impossible to work on the computer when my kids are about. But I can clean out a closet, whip up dinner, rearrange the basement, or wash the windows while they talking and playing around me.

5.  Take advantage of those 5-minute pockets

Instead of just standing there waiting for the pasta to boil, I have begun to pick up the phone and make an appointment, write a teacher note, or pack a lunch. I’m amazed that I don’t need to wait until I have time to do these things – most tasks take less time than I think. It’s the dread of doing them that makes us imagine them to be bigger than they are.

6.  Delegate errands and other jobs

So I don’t always get the brand of crackers that I prefer, or the just-ripe fruit I would have picked, but when Enrico does the grocery shopping (and takes my toddler, Mark, with him), he gifts me almost two hours of time.  He also helps me with trips to the post office, dropping off prescriptions, and picking up kids after work.

7.  Pay for help

Yeah, I know, this is a frugal blog, but it’s also a good life blog. If you can make room in your budget to hire someone to clean or do errands (like Jane’s Gotcha Covered Errands), and it makes you happy, then by all means do it. As Meagan Francis recently pointed out in The Help: the truth about hiring a cleaning service, we don’t have to do it all, even if we can.

8.  Avoid taking on more at all costs

Save the elaborate recipes, parties, and weekend trips for another time. Your family would much prefer a mom who can laugh and listen and who has time for the bedtime chat, so readjust expectations for now.

If you are a “yes” person like me, it’s very hard to scale back your life and your willingness to help or join in. But if you are at overcapacity, it’s OK to say, “Maybe next time.”

9.  Know when to sleep (or use caffeine)

Even machines need fuel to keep going. Sometimes a 20-minute nap will do the trick for me; sometimes I can power through by popping a chocolate-covered coffee bean. But sooner or later, I have to turn in at 9 p.m. to fill the well completely.

10.  Rethink accepted ideas

Does going out to eat really save time? By the time you get everyone ready, out the door, wait to order, etc. – you’ve spent much more time (and money) than eating at home. A change of scene, but less work? Debatable.

11.  Make lists – and include every little thing

So that you’ll know what to do when you find a free 15 minutes, or your children need a chore. Another reason to list every task you can think of? If you don’t write it down, you rob yourself of the satisfaction of crossing it off.

Tsh Oxenreider at Simple Mom likes using a Daily Docket to organize her day and make sure she stays on track. Buttoned Up also has some great printables including these two colorful forms which help you schedule in your to do’s. And if you have an iPhone, there’s the simple list app Cross It Off!

12.  Mix pleasure with business

I can’t cut out TV to make more time, since I gave it up long ago, but I could spend less time poking around the Internet without accomplishing much of anything. If American Idol is on your have-to list, can you iron at the same time? Reorganize a drawer, snap beans, or mend clothing?

13.  Limit yourself

There is a saying that goes something like this:  work expands to fill the time you give it. I found this to be true with my blog. In the beginning, I lavished time and attention on every post. As I take on other writing assignments, I cannot do that anymore. I’m amazed at how much I can get done when feel the heat of a deadline.

Try giving yourself an hour to finish something you would normally do in two hours. Humans are amazingly resourceful.

14.  Ask for a break

I agonized over this decision, but in the end, I decided to ask my editors if I could reduce my writing commitments during the crazy weeks this summer when we’ll be moving and traveling to Italy. No one is going to offer you a free pass. Gather up your courage and ask.

15. Give yourself a break

Yesterday I was unloading the groceries while Mark was playing outside. When I saw his scooter rolling toward the street, I ran after it but ended up wiping out big time on the driveway. I feel kind-of ridiculous, because I’m covered with scrapes and bruises.

I laugh now when I tell my husband that I’m a “wounded woman,” but the message here is: it’s OK to relax your standards regarding outdoor time or screen time. You’ll get back on track when life normalizes.

16.  And finally, keep it all in perspective

Nihara at Doing Too Much has a thoughtful post up now — serendipitously named Making Time When You Have No Time — about how the little things in daily life can sometimes edge out the big things. If we find ourselves on the treadmill going nowhere, maybe it’s time to stop everything and make time for one of the most important – if not the most important – thing in life:  friends and family.

All right, I’ve got to take his aching body to the kitchen to make lunch, but please let me know in the comments — if you have time — how you manage to maximize the minutes.

I love that I don’t have to go far — or spend a lot — to experience cocoa bliss. I wrote about it today at Parentables:

That a San Francisco company with an Italian name makes one of the best dark chocolates in the world was a joyous discovery for me.

I love chocolate. But I am a frugal mama. Domestic chocolate that tastes as good as pricey imported? Yes, please!

Head here to read the rest, and then come back and tell me your favorite chocolate.

Don’t overload on information. In this article at Parentables, I tell you about the only site you need to comparison shop — online or in person.

Do you like to get the lowest price? Then you’ll appreciate Google Product Search.

Off the bat, I love Google’s shopping tool because the search results are not veiled ads by companies who have paid to be there. Listing with Product Search is free for merchants, unlike other shopping search engines like Shopzilla or Shopping.com.

How does it work? Read more at Parentables, where I blog twice a week.

Photo credit: Sylvar/Creative Commons 2.0

It all started five years ago when some friends and I met up at our 15th college reunion. Every year since then we have managed to get away for a few days, and here we are at our 20th reunion last weekend.

This article I wrote for Parentables tells about our experience and gives some tips for planning your kids-free trip.

Few things feel as good as spending a couple of days relaxing with friends. Especially when, in real life, conversations are more like snippets truncated by, “He hit me!” and relaxing means collapsing in bed with a stack of mail.

Read more at Parentables, where I blog twice a week.

This article is the fourth part in a series about moving:
Part 1 | 14 Tips for Finding the Best Neighborhood
Part 2 | How to Find a Quality House to Rent
Part 3 | Find a Low-Cost Mover without Getting Scammed
Part 5 | The Ultimate Moving Checklist for Families

Here are some essential elements of getting ready for moving house, so that you feel organized, ready, and excited for a new beginning.

Grand Central:  Your Moving Folder

Keep everything related to the move in one file.  I love those two-pocket school folders.  You can slip things in when you’re in a rush, or place them in the pockets when you have more time.  Staple on business cards, jot down important numbers, and stuff in brochures.

Keep a digital folder of move-related files on your computer and in your email program.

Organize Your Furniture Needs with a Floor Plan

Identifying furniture gaps and surpluses ahead of time can help you redirect some of that moving anxiety, as well as lighten your load on the other end.

If you can’t find an official floor plan of your new place (often available online if you are moving into an apartment building), take photos and measurements of all the rooms, including windows and ceiling heights, and draw up your own blueprint.

You may find this totally obsessive-compulsive, but when we moved to New York, I had the apartment’s floor plan blown up as large as possible at an office supply store. After gluing it to foam board, I measured all the furniture in our house and made cut-outs with colored paper.   The furniture cut-outs were of course in scale with my floor plan (for example, 1 foot real life = 3/4 inch floor plan).

My mother (who suggested this kind of pre-planning) and I had fun moving stuff around without breaking a sweat.  Before we even set foot in the apartment, we were able to figure out:

1. What I could take
2. What I had to give away or sell
3. What I needed to buy and the approximate size
4. Where to tell the movers to put stuff on moving-in day

Knowing we would have no car for picking up new or donating old furniture, this kind of anal planning prevented a lot of headaches (and backaches).

While I find old-fashioned pen and paper to ultimately be easier, I recommend Homestyler if you want to do it on the computer.  Here is the floor plan I created for our Syracuse rental house, with advice from How to Draw a Floor Plan to Scale.

Purge, Purge, Purge

Now is the perfect time to go through your stuff and ask those often excruciating questions: do I really need this?

I was especially motivated when we moved to an apartment in New York City, but I did go through every room and closet in our house and mercilessly donated, sold on Craigslist, freecycled and chucked.

Moving provides a great incentive to clean house and, even if you’ll be going to a place with more space, streamlining can make a fresh start.

Pare down first, as a separate process from packing boxes. You’ll be able to find better homes for your stuff if you are not rushed with the stress of boxes piling up everywhere.

Once all these difficult decisions are made and extraneous stuff is farmed out, packing will be faster and easier.

Use What You Have

Several months before the move, you can start going on a shopping diet, which will help your wallet as well as your peace of mind.  If you’re like me, you have stockpiled a lot of personal care products, household staples, and pantry items.

Now is the perfect time to figure out how to use that can of black-eyed peas, the lotion your mother-in-law gave you, or the tubes of strawberry toothpaste you bought on sale.

Find out your mover’s policy on plants, food, and cleaning products. If you can’t use up all your food and laundry detergent, make arrangements to donate them to a friend who can.

If You Are Packing Your Own Boxes

Pack first the things you use the least, such as knick-knacks, paintings, books, and out-of-season clothing.  As the time gets closer, work up to the most used things. See also my article at Parentables: 11 Best Places to Find Free Moving Boxes.

Label boxes with a number (on every side of the box) and the room they will be going into.

Keep a running list of the box numbers and contents. That way if you need a certain item, you know which box to look for, instead of having to read over the contents of every box.  Plus, it will help you to make sure nothing is missing (and if so, to know what went missing).

To make things quick for you and the movers, consider color coding each box according to the room it will go to, with paint, markers or colored dot stickers.

Create a Last-On, First-Off Box

There are some essentials that you’ll either want to bring with you in the car or have the movers load last and unload first.

In Simplifying the Big Move, Martha Stewart recommends these day-to-day essentials:

• bedding
• bath and hand towels
• toiletries, including soap
• toilet paper
• basic tools
• cleaning supplies
• medications
• camera and charger
• snacks
• a few dishes and utensils, and
• a coffeepot — plus coffee and mugs

Simple Mom also has a detailed list of essentials for Day 1 of moving, which reminded me of:

• curtains for the kids room (if you have light sleepers), and
• lightbulbs

I would also add:

• your moving folder
• cell phone charger and/or a phone you can hook up the first day
• laptop, cord, and carrying case
• checkbook
• favorite toys and storybooks
• paper towels
• garbage bags, and
• a shower liner and rings

If Movers are Packing Your Stuff

Admittedly not the most frugal option but — since moving always seems to coincide with having a baby — we have done it before and I have to tell you, it was the best money I’ve ever spent.

The first time we tried it, from Italy to Cincinnati, they only charged us $200.  I couldn’t sign on the dotted line fast enough!  For our move from New York City to Syracuse when I was almost 9 months pregnant, we paid about $1000 for packing, one fifth of our total move cost.  For the same price, the movers also disassembled and reassembled all of our fine Swedish furniture.

I rarely pay someone to do things I can do myself, but sometimes in life, it’s just makes sense. If you go with this option, here are my tips:

1.  Purging ahead of time is essential.

Try to get rid of the most expensive unneeded items first. You’ll have more time and energy to deal with selling or finding good homes for them.

2.  Organize your things according to your new house.

Movers will just throw stuff in boxes and mark it with the name of the room (if you’re lucky, they’ll also scribble one word about contents).  So if you have fall clothes in the basement, the attic, and your child’s room, that’s where they will end up in your new house and you might not find what you need for months.  Group like items together in your current house to increase the likelihood you’ll find them sooner in your new house.

3.  Agree on a no-pack zone.

Designate a spot — like the bathtub — where you put anything you want with you, not on the moving truck.  This could include suitcases packed with your overnight essentials, diversions for the car trip, your first-out-last-in box, pet supplies, and your move folder.

My husband and I still laugh about our move to New York City, when he was driving our rental (we had sold both our cars) in flip-flops. It was Sunday and he was to start his new job on Monday morning. Half-way to New York, he looks at me and says, “Where are my shoes?” We realized they were on the moving van, and since our apartment wouldn’t be ready for days, they would soon be in a storage warehouse somewhere in Queens.

He had set them aside and thought he would tell the movers not to pack them, but things got busy and boxed up they went.  (We stopped at an outlet mall on the highway so he didn’t have to show up his first day on the job in a suit and flip-flops.)

4. What do you need the most?

Don’t be shy to ask the movers for things like a crib or a box of toys to be loaded last, and unloaded first.

And finally, see my Ultimate Moving Checklist for Families for more on arranging move-out cleans and travel accommodations, plus all sorts of other stuff you won’t want to forget.

This article is the fourth part in a series about moving:
Part 1 | 14 Tips for Finding the Best Neighborhood
Part 2 | How to Find a Quality House to Rent
Part 3 | Find a Low-Cost Mover without Getting Scammed
Part 5 | The Ultimate Moving Checklist for Families

A lot of you agreed last week on why it feels great to clean out your closet. This week, let’s talk about the how.

Letting go of clothing can be an emotionally complicated issue. But I gave away seven trash bags of clothing and shoes to charity last week, and I don’t regret one thread!

How did I know what to give away and what to keep? The following rules helped me cut the nostalgia and get down to business.

Ask Three Questions of Each Piece

If you answer no to any of these questions, the piece is history.

1. Have I worn this in the last year?

2. Do I feel good in this?

3. If I didn’t feel guilty for some reason, would I still be hanging on to this?

These questions helped me chuck about one-third of my clothing. And what of feeling bad about getting rid of something I spent money on or someone gave me? It lasted about two seconds. Then all I felt was relief.

If in Doubt, Try it On

After trying some stuff on for my 20th college reunion coming up this weekend (yikes!), I collected another pile to give away. Why? Things still looked good — they just didn’t look good on me.

Yes, my shape has changed, but so has my style and station in life. Midriff? I’m not so hot on showing it anymore, and some of my glittery, vintage sweaters were just too darn short. Plunging necklines? Maybe for a night on the town with hubby, but do I really want to flash the playground every time I pick up a sand toy?

When It Hurts Too Much

If giving stuff away is really just too painful, here are some alternatives:

Put it on hold

Bag up the questionable stuff and keep it in your attic or basement. After three months, if you don’t miss it, toss it.

Go the wrong way

Turn all your hangers the wrong way, as Jenny suggested in the comments of my last post. After you wear something, turn the hanger the right way. After a year, toss anything on a backwards hanger.

Beat wardrobe fatigue

If you really want to save money and not completely say good-bye to your clothes, organize a clothing swap. If you exchange pieces with a group of friends, you can get free new clothes and your old stuff will be in good hands.

Keep it in the family

My daughters’ dress-up bin is a lot more interesting now that it has disco dresses, frilly black slips, and beaded purses.  And  I know that they’re not too far away should I change my mind.

So I hope I’ve given you some ammunition to wage war against the clutter. If you tackle your closet, please come back and tell me how it went!

I’m interested in your own tactics. How do you decide what to give away?