Friend and children’s entertainer Melissa of Moey’s Music Party used to go on daytime dates with her husband. They had more energy during the day (and so did their son), so why pay a babysitter to sit on their couch? she reasoned.

“One of our favorite adventures was going to a Greenwich Village wig store,” Melissa told me in an interview about how she saves money as a mommy rocker in New York City. “I was always curious how I’d look as a blond, so I tried on the Marilyn Monroe model. My husband said I looked like George Washington!”

It’s hard to top that date for creativity, but I did find a bunch of fun and inexpensive ideas by asking the team of Parentables writers.

You can explore all of them at 10 Cheap and Easy Kid-Free Date Night Ideas on Parentables.

And please, chime in with your own inexpensive date night ideas in the comments. I know you’ve got some good ones!

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

I must admit that I was born with the “know-it-all” gene. And I started out blogging with the idea that I wanted to be one of those experts in glossy magazines.

But the truth is, I learn the best stuff from other people.

Sure I might have a good deal of experience living on a budget, but I am One and we are Many. Pooling resources — whether it’s hand-me-downs, garden equipment, or plumber recommendations — is the best way to save money. Because it means connecting with others, and life is always better with friends.

This time I turned to my fellow writers at Parentables for their input on how to save money on date night, and we came up with:

5 Ways to Avoid Paying for a Babysitter on Your Date Night

And here’s a sixth from my new friend Atsuko: she arranged a sleepover for both of her kids on the night that she and her husband were going to a party. That’s what I call a win-win-win: you don’t have to pay a sitter, your kids are super-happy, and you get to stay out as late as you want.

Can you add a few more to this list?

Our used cars in front of our used house

The average car payment is $500 per month. Most people live with a car payment their whole lives, and besides housing, it’s their largest expense.

A Multi-Millionaire or a New-Car Owner?

If you invested $500 per month from age 25 to age 65 in a mutual fund averaging 12 percent (the eighty-year stock market average), you would have over $5 million, says Dave Ramsey, best-selling personal finance author and host of the Dave Ramsey radio show. That is why Ramsey thinks that “taking on a car payment is one of the dumbest things people do to destroy their chances of building wealth.”

I have just finished reading Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover and I was inspired. I love how he spells out a plan of attack for getting out of debt and then saving money for the future.

Buying a new car or leasing a new car seems pretty normal these days, but since Ramsey is passionate that new cars are a bad deal, I thought it could be a good topic for discussion.

But Who Can Buy Cars with Cash?

So how do you buy a car if you don’t finance it? You could put $500 in a piggy bank for just ten months and you would have enough for a $5000 used car, says Ramsey. Or 20 months for a $10,000 used car (which happens to be the kind of car I drive). You can read more about my car in this article I wrote at Parentables: How I Saved $11,000 on My New Car (and You Can Too).

Granted, Dave Ramsey is an anti-debt zealot. But even though he is now a multi-millionaire and he clearly loves cars, he refuses to buy a new car. If you’ve read The Millionaire Next Door, you’ll know that the average millionaire drives a second-hand car.

Ramsey thinks it’s because people who are smart with money are not going to buy something that loses over half its value in the first four years. That is almost $100 per week in lost value, and to understand the concept, Ramsey suggests we open our window on the way to work once a week and throw out a $100 bill. So even if you are not paying interest in a car loan, the new car deal is still costing you dearly.

What about Leasing?

I looked into leasing the last time we needed a car, because I didn’t really get if it was a good deal or not. Consumer Reports and Smart Money magazine think that leasing a car is the worst way to get a car, and Ramsey shows us why.

Leasing is the car industry’s largest money-maker because, even though you are technically renting the car, the dealer is also charging you interest. So your monthly lease payment not only covers the loss of the car’s value as you drive it, Ramsey explains, but it includes hefty interest that you pay for that new-car smell. “The auto industry lobbyists are so powerful that the law does not require full lender disclosure,” according to Ramsey, but he estimates that the average interest rate is 14%.

Then there are the charges for going over the allotted mileage and the penalties for “excessive wear and tear,” which they supposedly get you for every time.

You Can Still Have Fun with Cars

There’s something with men and cars. From the age of one, my son Mark has been obsessed, and his little brother is equally fascinated. J.D. Roth of Get Rich Slowly is very open about his obsession with Mini Coopers. Ramsey still loves cars but he pays cash, and he buys (expensive) used cars.

I agree that if something gives you great pleasure, you should either make room in the budget or save up (not go into debt). My husband drives an Audi TT, a darling little sportscar, which he got for a great price used from eBay. It was eight years old when he bought it, but in great condition, and it continues to make him happy.

So I’m not saying that love of material things is bad. But there are smart ways we can satisfy our desires.

And after all this talk, I can see the writing on the wall. One day we will have more (I hope a lot more) money, but if we’re smart, we’ll still be buying used cars. Oh well, that’s OK. I’m one of those weird people who doesn’t even like the new car smell.

For more on how to save money on cars, there is Dave Ramsey’s video Drive Free, Retire Rich. Or if you are thinking of saving even more money by bypassing the car completely, J.D. Roth recommends How to Live Well Without Owning a Car.

So what about you? Do you love new cars? Do you think you could be swayed into buying a used one if you could get rich slowly? Let us know in the comments!

Our dinner room on move-in day

Last week was tough. We came home to our new (old) house after almost six weeks of being on the road.

Everything needed my attention: the broken bathroom sink, the feathery dust collecting on the stairs, the papers piling up in the kitchen next to a busted iron, an open toolbox, and a random bottle of bubbles.

With my new job at Babble being underway, as well as my other writing jobs, toppling stacks of emails piling up, thank you cards to write, kids to get registered for school, and — did I mention my husband needing help getting started with his new practice?

The reason why all 6 of us are still sharing a bathroom

Everywhere — literally everywhere — I looked, something yelled at me, “I’m urgent!”

In my old life — the life I had about a year ago, when I was a stay-at-home mom with a blog that was more like a hobby — I would have dug into these projects happily as my children played around me, or while they were napping. Now I have a sitter from 9 to 12 and my writing (and marketing of my writing) eats up naptime (and bedtime hours).

Our library/playroom has potential…

By the end of the week, I was in what Meagan Francis would call a “mom funk.” Breathing shallowly, googly-eyed from looking at a computer screen too long, feeling like my throat was lined with sandpaper, I kept thinking, “How am I going to handle this all?”

Our oven in this 70s restaurant range is broken, again

What lifted me out of my funk were people.

It all started with Jennifer who wrote about enjoying our pizza recipe just as much as I do. Then my mom called, and helped me figure out how to get the paintings off my floors and onto the walls. (Hang the art, she said, and then you’ll know what to do with the rest of the room.)

We went out to Arlington and picked up some of my daughters’ playmates from when we used to live there. (And I got to hug their moms again.) A block party in Turtle Park meant the whole family was out walking in the neighborhood among friendly faces: oh, how refreshing to see children giggling, bouncing, and eating sno cones at a fair.

Enrico helped me zoom in on what needed to be done next on the house. Saturday morning we attacked the living room, bringing it from gloomy and disordered to bright and joyful.

Funny how kids want to help out when they sense work is also fun. I pumped up an old Britney Spears CD I found (don’t you love that song, Lucky?), and Virginia got down with me on hands and knees with a rag and a bowl of soapy water. After the CDs and books were stacked on our shelves (and the baby had gotten great pleasure from pulling half of them down), we all danced in our pajamas to the Jersey Boys and ABBA.

Dancing to the Jersey Boys

Finally, we had two sets of friends come over for somewhat unplanned dinners. With the rest of the house a mess, our basement a jumble of unopened boxes, and a school supply list unchecked, I could have made an excuse. But I’m so glad some part of me instinctually knew: this is good for you.

So instead of cobbling together a dinner bought in the food section of CVS (yes, I confess we’ve been doing that), we invited them all in, we ate real food together, we sat down for a good hour, and we let the kids run wild (more or less).

And the second surprise was that, while cleaning up afterwards — wiping my window sills for the first time and soaking my stove burners — I felt love. I know it sounds melodramatic, but it was in getting down to the small details of daily life, the most mundane tasks like sweeping the floors, that I felt love —  for my house that we had sacrificed a lot for, for myself because I hadn’t jealously guarded my space, for my friends because they wanted to come spend time with us.

So in honor of the kick-off of the Year About You, I want to say thank you. You are so important to me. What’s the point of doing much of anything if you don’t have friends? It’s like the message from the movie Cars that I watched with my daughters this weekend: if you don’t have friends, then all you have are empty trophies.

Do you agree?

–Amy

p.s. Please keep the questions coming! I’m loving the conversation happening about when frugal becomes embarrassing.

Karen Bantuveris, busy mom and founder VolunteerSpot, shares a bunch of out-of-the-box ways to give to your child’s teacher in this guest post. For more easy ways to help your school from Karen, see our interview at Parentables.

It’s still hot, August is only half over, but soon it’ll be time to jump back into the chaos of the school year. While the transition can be tough for parents and kids, imagine what a big change it is for teachers.

Now imagine how we as parents can help smooth out the start of the year—and make sure it continues down that path–by helping our child’s teacher and making her feel appreciated from day one.

Start Off the Year With a Bang

1.  Give the teacher a welcome basket with coupons, school supplies, and little goodies like granola bars, flavored tea, stickers, mints, and chocolate.

2.  Volunteer to help with classroom set-up (getting bulletin boards decorated and desks in place).

3. Take pictures of the teacher with each child on the first day of school. The kids will love it, and it makes for a wonderful memory at the end of the year.

4.  Set up a parent schedule to supervise at recess or lunch time to give the teacher a break (VolunteerSpot’s free calendar signup sheets makes it easy for parents to help out when it fits their schedule).

5.  Start a meal circle where parents take turns bringing lunch or a special morning treat to the teacher once a week; if you band together, you’re turn will come up about two times per year.

6.  Share your strengths. If you’re artistic, offer to make cool signs to jazz up the classroom; if you’re musical, lead songs at the class party; scientific or techy, help with experiments or share computer skills with the class.

Keep on Showing Your Support

7.  Save coupons and gift cards for office supplies throughout the year.

8.  Share a skill or a family tradition (heritage, interesting job, hobby, etc.) with the class.

9.  If you can’t help out at school during the day, offer to take prep work home for the teacher. “Office work” is always needed in getting materials and supplies prepared, especially in the lower grades.

10.  Ask her what kind of technology will improve the learning experience for your kids and work with your school-parent association to fund it.

11. Keep an eye out for discounts or free passes for things the teacher can do with her own children, like movie tickets, restaurants, and local performances.

12. One of the best things you can do is simply send your kids to school well-rested, well-fed, and with assignments complete so they are ready to learn.

Remember the more involved as a parent, the easier it is for the teacher to concentrate on her oh-so-important job of educating your children. Get excited, get involved, and get your school year off to a fabulous start — volunteer!

Karen Bantuveris is the founder and CEO of VolunteerSpot, a free online coordination tool that helps parents, teachers, and community leaders save time and hassle.  Karen lives in Austin, TX with her husband and daughter.

As part of a new normal here of featuring my readers, I thought we’d start off with this question sent to me by Daisy.

A drawing of Daisy's family by her three-year-old

“I didn’t enjoy being part of a frugal family as a child. I was conspicuous and just wanted to fit in. I never had the ‘right’ clothes and my lunch box was strictly home-made. No processed pre-packaged items like the rest of the kids.

“I did grow up in the eighties, which was definitely a time of conspicuous consumption and things have certainly changed. Home made is cool (again? for the first time?) and people are wary of processing, packaging, preservatives, pesticides, etc.

“It is no longer an insult to say that your mom makes your clothes, but I’m guessing it will never be cool to have your mom cut your hair.

“Despite the embarrassment I felt as a child, I too have become quite frugal. I see the benefits of what my parents did, but I’m doing things a bit differently. I’m trying to find a balance that suits me and my family

“When does being frugal go too far or become embarrassing?”

Good question! While my parents weren’t particularly frugal, like Daisy’s, I did feel pretty goobery.

The popular kids ate cheetos, Wonder bread PB&Js, and oreos from their Dukes of Hazard tin lunchboxes. I had carrot and celery sticks and sandy all-natural peanut butter on multi-grain bread in a red plaid lunchbox. I didn’t get to stay up late playing ghost in the graveyard or watching Love Boat.

Me reading my cousin's comic book at age 9 (1978)

It’s so funny, because just like Daisy, I have adopted the same embarrassing practices with my own children. They take healthy (sometimes strange) food to school, they don’t watch TV shows, and they aren’t allowed to stay up late unless it’s a sleepover or New Year’s Eve.

So here is another question:

Is it OK to embarrass your children in order to do things your way, uphold your values, or save money for your own retirement?

Please let us know in the comments!

Yay, it’s that time of year! Back-to-school brings back such good memories.

I guess I’m a goober at heart: I loved brown leather shoes, pencil boxes, and cubby holes. I still love filling in forms, checking off supply lists, and taking tests (not that I get to do that much anymore).

I have a couple posts at Parentables and Babble on ways to avoid going hog wild in the fun section of Office Max.

5 Ways to Spend Less on School Supplies While Teaching Your Kids Good Values 

10 Ways to Save Big on School Supplies

Are you all ready for school? We start early here in D.C.: next Monday, August 22.

My daughters will be new at their elementary school. Is anyone else changing schools?

Photo by Ramakant Sharda on Unsplash

On the way home from my girls weekend, I met a guy on the plane who was telling me about how much joy his wife gets from cooking.

And how they make it fun together. You can read about their game and more in this post I wrote for Parentables: 3 Ways to Make Home Cooking Super Fun.

Here I am at our family reunion making six pans of our favorite pizza. Yummm.

How are you all doing with cooking? Hating it? Loving it? In the middle?

I enjoy it the most when I have the time to spend on a recipe that I’m really looking forward to eating. (Although after making a weird smushy moussaka for a dinner guest — I’ve learned that there are good times — and not so good times — for trying new recipes.)

What about you?

When my oldest daughter, Sofia, was four, we had a kindergarten quandary. I was in love with my neighborhood in Arlington, Virginia, but its school was not loved by the neighborhood.

However, a few other families believed in it, and after visiting, I could tell it was a gem. To spread the news and to drum up more kids-next-door to join my daughter, I formed an organization called FANS, or Friends of Abingdon Neighborhood School.

This month marks the five-year anniversary of its founding. Ironically, we only enjoyed the school for one year, since we had to move after Sofia graduated from kindergarten. But I stayed in touch with my friends there, and here is what one of them recently wrote:

You would be amazed at the school now. So many parents choose Abingdon, we’re having crowding issues. The PTA is three times the size and there’s so much support. Thanks so much for all you did to bring awareness to the community. I don’t think Abingdon would be where it is today without your FANS brainchild!

I wanted to share this story with you because it demonstrates the power of a few. To be clear, I did not create the winning academic program of the school, and I was not the first “pioneer” to send her children there. What I did could be called passionate public relations, or spreading the good word, or building community.

And I wouldn’t have been able to do it without the support of a few other parents who had faith in the school, enough to send their children there — without the community involvement I wanted. One of them, Colleen, would often send me encouraging notes just when I needed them, such as this one from Margaret Mead:

Here is the story of how we did it, as I explained in Washington Parent, August 2007.

Everything seemed perfect about our new neighborhood –- except for the elementary school. Hardly anyone from our Arlington neighborhood went there, choosing county magnet schools instead. The talk on the playground about the school was, “Half the kids are on free or reduced lunch,” (read: poor). Or, “They bus in kids from rough neighborhoods,” (read: scary). The special focus schools were great, but I longed for the sense of community that a walkable, neighborhood school could bring.

Then one day last spring, the principal of the school gave an impressive presentation at my daughter’s preschool, and a few parents became seriously interested. I was thrilled. It sounded like the beginnings of a turn-around. Although the school had gone through a period of decline, I could see when I visited that it was flourishing with a new principal, innovative curriculum, and rising test scores. The children –- many from lower-income Latino households –- were bright, curious and respectful.

However, public perception still lagged way behind. Even though my daughter would not be kindergarten age for another year, I knew it would take at least that long to bring families back to a school with a tarnished reputation. I decided to form a group to connect prospective and current parents and to create a positive buzz about the school.

It has been a year since we formed FANS, or Friends of Abingdon Neighborhood School. We went from three to more than 70 members and, through our simple public relations effort, have dramatically changed the image of the school. I knew we had come a long way when a mother on the playground recently said with a smile, “Oh, you’re sending your daughter there? That’s great. I see a lot about that organization, Friends of Abingdon Neighborhood School. They believe that if you get the community involved, schools can really flourish.” Bingo!

Here’s how we were able to attract more neighborhood kids and put our school back onto the map of viable choices.

Find Core Supporters Then Add Members

Although you may be doing most of the work yourself, it’s important to have a few close allies. The most logical place to find enthusiastic people is the school’s PTA. Small PTAs often don’t have time for public relations and would welcome your efforts to spread the word. If you aren’t up for creating a separate organization, you could propose to be their community relations chair.

While it’s imperative that you have the blessing of the principal, it can make a big difference to have other power players on your side. Look to civic leaders and school board members. Perhaps one of them had children at your school and would be happy to back your efforts, even by appearing at a meeting or two.

Speaking of meetings, you’ll also want to find others who are interested in the school. The best way to do this is by holding an initial gathering where you can gauge interest, state your goals, and gather contact information. (See “How Others Have Succeeded.”)

Regularly Publicize School Programs and Special Features

If your neighborhood has a newsletter, excellent. If not, try speaking to local citizens’ associations for ideas. Consider starting a listserv for your neighborhood where you could begin to spread information about the school. Post flyers in public places like community centers, playgrounds, pools, grocery stores, post offices, on tree trunks – anywhere to get the word out.

After writing articles in our neighborhood newsletter about the formation of our group, I began interviewing the principal and teachers and highlighting ways our school was special. Remember the unique selling point marketing strategy: What does your school have that no other area school has?

Create a Logo and a Simple Brochure

While not necessary, these tools will do wonders towards showing the community that a group of committed parents is rallying around the school. Do you have a friend or family member who is artistic? A logo – which could be a name, an image or both – should be simple and eye-catching. Perhaps the school’s art teacher would be willing to help.

A brochure can be as low-tech as folded photocopies. I found directions on creating tri-fold brochures using Word and tips for preparing text in tri-folds. After I copied them on colored paper, I posted the brochures at playgrounds and at school events, especially those open to prospective families.

Organize a Few Get-Togethers

Events could range from a cozy mom’s night out to a potluck picnic or a trip to a pumpkin patch. We have had success with a series of Sunday afternoon playdates at the school playground. We asked the school to send out flyers to everyone who attended the kindergarten orientations, and the PTA provided refreshments. The first playdate was so successful that we decided to repeat it the last Sunday of the month for the rest of the spring and summer.

If you can work with the principal to hold an event inside the school, even better. Negative comments often come from people who have never been to the school or whose kids attended ages ago, points out Eileen Kugler whose daughter attended a school with a high immigrant population in Northern Virginia. In her book Debunking the Middle-Class Myth: Why Diverse Schools are Good for All Kids, she explains how important it is to get people through the front door, especially those with young children who are swayed by rumors and often move out of the area in search of “better” schools.

Remember, if you believe in your neighborhood school, you’re probably not alone. Gather your courage, find a few friends and go for it. With a little work and a lot of faith, you’ll be surprised at how quickly the tide can turn.

How Others Have Succeeded

Involve the Whole Community

When her daughter was only a newborn, Tessa Muehllehner began attending PTA meetings at Brent Elementary on Capitol Hill. She found a core group of interested parents on the Mothers on the Hill (MOTH) listserv. They organized a meeting in the park and announced it by leafleting every house in the area. Sixty parents showed up, and Brent Neighbors was formed. By reaching out to friends and neighbors – from professionals to retirees – the group was able to help the PTA get nonprofit status and win grants, renovate the library and beautify the school grounds, among other things. “We always look for the magic combination: a need in the school, a volunteer with a passion, and a source of funding,” says Muehllehner.

Demonstrate a Critical Mass

People usually don’t like to take pioneering risks with their children alone. Prospective families should have a chance to know current students as well as other neighborhood families that are embracing the school. The Maury Online Community, a support group for Maury Elementary School in Old Town Alexandria, has an “All Aboard” page on their website, which lists neighborhood kids who attend or plan to attend the school.

“To make people feel like they were part of a movement,” says Muehllehner of Brent Neighbors, “we posted a map on our listerv that showed where all the kids lived.” However, it should be clear to the school, she points out, that your group is not interested in “taking over” but rather seeing the school more integrated into the community.

Market to Your Target Audience

To attract neighborhood kids back to George Mason Elementary School in Alexandria, former principal Lois Berlin says, “We divided up the neighborhood and delivered flyers to every home inviting folks to bring their 4-year-olds to a puppet show and information session in October. We included our kindergarten and first graders in the puppet show so our visitors could see what great kids already attended George Mason.”

Hooking up prospective parents with current ones gives people a chance to meet satisfied customers. Berlin, who is now the superintendent of Falls Church City Schools, explains, “a George Mason parent held a wine and cheese party at her house and invited all the folks who attended various events like the puppet show.”

So there you have it! I’ll share more resources and tips in another post, in case you know of a school that needs to shine.